Genetics
by PeaceLoveParvati
Summary: This is Leah's story, a direct continuation of Breaking Dawn in her point of view. Join her as she moves on with her life, including going to college and falling in love.


All of the happy families around me were making me cringe. Jacob was standing with Bella and Edward, clinging to Renesmee like she was his life line. The tiny vampire was hugging the mother vampire tightly, and I was a little surprised that she hadn't broken her in half. The other vamps were gathered with the stragglers, which I was avoiding like crazy. I was only still here because of Seth. I knew he could handle himself, but what kind of sister would I be if I abandoned him with the leeches?

It didn't matter to me that they had been so kind. It didn't matter that they'd taken us in and helped us when they could. I couldn't trust them, because it went against my very nature. I _wouldn't_ be sticking around much longer.

At that thought, Edward turned to stare at me incredulously, as if to say 'after everything we did, you still hate us?' I met his gaze defiantly, waiting for him to tell everyone what I'd been thinking. About how much of a coward I was for wanting to leave. But I had ulterior reasons for wanting to leave, and thinking about them hurt more than thinking about my hatred of the bloodsuckers around me.

Sam had left with his pack right after the battle ended, and we'd had no word from them since. They'd helped us protect the leeches, but they wouldn't celebrate with them. Sam hadn't even looked at me once, not before, during, or after the battle. It was like I no longer existed to him, and I was fairly certain that's how he'd wanted since he'd imprinted on Emily.

I couldn't hate her, no matter how much I wanted to. She hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't her fault that I was a genetic monster and she was perfect. She could give him kids, something I wasn't sure I'd be able to do for anyone anymore. I wasn't kidding when I told Jacob about that. It's the hardest part, for me, knowing that I'm inadequate in the only way a wolf would need. What was my point? Protecting the leeches the other wolves wanted to kill? It seemed so stupid to me.

I was jolted from my thoughts by an ice cold hand on my arm, which I reflexively yanked away immediately. Edward had made his way over to me without me even noticing. I could see Seth watching us out of the corner of my eye, but he didn't make a move to interfere.

"None of us here want to see you hurting, Leah. We've done our best to make you feel like you belong, but I can tell that you don't. Nothing is keeping you here. Seth is safe with us, and in La Push. Nobody wants to see you go, but we won't keep you here against your will. Especially not Jacob," he said, quietly enough that I was sure our families couldn't hear.

The thing was, I didn't want to leave everything and everyone I loved behind. And if I took off now, that's what I'd be doing. I knew he picked that thought out of my brain when his expression changed to thoughtful.

"If I might make a suggestion, why don't you move into Forks? You will no longer see Sam, but you could see your family as much as you'd like. You could attend the university in Port Angeles, get a job here, and live your own life without losing a thing," he suggested after a few moments. I paused to think about it.

"It's... not a bad idea," I admitted. "I don't want to leave Seth and my mother behind." I didn't need to add that I couldn't bear the thought of becoming just like Sam. I would never put anyone through what he did to me.

"Of course, we're willing to help with whatever you need. We owe you our lives," he added, making me frown.

"I won't accept your charity, leech. I didn't do any of this for you. I did this for my brother, my family. For Jacob, in some ways that I'd rather not think about. For myself, to finally get away from... it doesn't matter. Anything I do now is going to be because _I_ can do it. Because I've _earned_ it. Do you understand? I don't want anyone interfering," I snapped, trying to stay as quiet as he had been. He nodded quickly.

"I didn't mean to offend you. I was merely telling you that you have options," he told me calmly, keeping his expression neutral. I knew he must still have been feeling my pain, since it was still echoing through my head. He nodded, confirming that thought. I almost felt sorry, before remembering that it's what I lived through every damn day.

"Thanks," I said carefully, managing not to cringe. It was hard to have a civil conversation with him, knowing that all of my current problems were because of him. I knew he'd realized that when he suddenly turned and walked away. Or maybe he'd done it because he knew Seth was waiting to talk to me.

"I'm ready to go home, Leah," he whispered, hugging me. In all of the fighting, everyone seemed to forget how young my fifteen year old brother really was, myself included. Of course he'd be missing home.

"Then let's go. You know I'd rather be anywhere else," I told him, keeping an arm around him as we turned our backs on the vampires and walked away.

~ONE YEAR LATER~

The college campus was very different from the high school in La Push. It was my freshman year, but I wasn't alone. Jared had decided to come with me, claiming that he had been waiting to go to college until all of the wolf drama was behind us. It had taken both of us almost the entire year, but we'd managed to get past random shifts. I had quit my wolf completely, refusing to shift at all. I was just waiting for my aging and bodily functions to start again.

"Where is your dorm?" he asked, looking around the quad we were standing in. He seemed to be completely uninterested in anything there, which just contributed to my theory that Sam and Jacob had sent him to keep an eye on me.

None of us went anywhere alone anymore, not since we'd discovered that the Volturi hadn't gone back to Volterra. Instead, they were hunting nomad vampires that they claimed had broken the laws. I knew Jacob thought they were just waiting for a reason to destroy the Cullens, which I was still slightly hoping for. I resented them for everything they were. If another war were to break out, I'd be right in the fray taking out any bloodsucker I could get my jaw around, whether they were Volturi or Cullen. I had no love for any leeches, not even Renesmee.

"Across campus. It's a girl's dorm, Jared. You can't follow me there, no matter how much you'd like to. And no, I will not move out of it for any reason," I informed him. He rolled his eyes. "I know you're not here because you suddenly care about education. You can tell Sam, or whoever else, to butt out."

"It was Seth who asked me to come with you. He knew I _was_ interested in some kind of schooling to begin with, so I'd be the only one old enough and willing," he admitted.

"I wish I could be any kind of surprised, but I wondered when he'd do something like that. I thought he'd just ask me to keep living in Forks while I'm taking classes. Figures he'd use the packs instead," I grumbled. "Still, I'll be in my dorm most of the time when I'm not in class. I'm not in any kind of danger, and I'm not running away. At least not until I've gotten a diploma."

"What are you studying?" Jared asked. "You know I'm going for a degree in education. I never heard what you're going for."

"Psychology," I said quietly. I'd decided a long time ago that if I ever went to school, I would use my degree to help people who had been abandoned by the ones they loved, the way I had been. Psychology would be the best way to do that. Eventually, I hoped to open an office in either La Push or Forks. Probably Forks, because La Push is really too small for a successful business like that. I looked over to see Jared's reaction, cringing at the sympathy written all over his face.

"It sounds like a good idea. You'll be good at that, Leah," he told me. I nodded, looking away from him.

"We should go find our rooms. I'll see you later, Jared," I told him, already walking away. I knew he'd hear me. Quitting the wolf doesn't mean losing the hearing and eye sight. It just means no longer shifting every time I get remotely angry or upset. Jared didn't say anything, which I took to mean he understood my need to get away. I had come to college to escape the packs, not spend more time with members of them.

Jared found a way to get into my dorm fairly quickly. It was only our third day when my roommate, Heather, answered the door to find him standing there looking for me. He wouldn't tell us how he'd gotten past security, but I suspected it had something to do with climbing. He never looked out of breath, but I knew he was doing something that exerted energy, because I could smell the adrenaline on him every time he showed up.

"Hey, Leah, I had a question for you. Do you think Sam would be angry if I just stayed here and didn't make the trip home like you do?" he asked from the doorway.

"I think that's your choice, not Sam's. If he's got a problem with it, have you ever known him to stay quiet? Just don't ask me to pass on messages, because I won't," I replied.

"I didn't expect you to. I know you don't like talking to him. I get that. I just wanted your opinion, because I think you've always known him better than me. I actually wanted to talk to you about him and Jacob," he told me cautiously, glancing over at Heather. She took the hint, grabbing her shower bag and silently leaving the room.

"What?" I asked, gesturing for him to come in and close the door.

"I wanted to know what the difference is between the packs. I've been thinking about joining Jake's for a while now, but I don't want to abandon Sam if Jake isn't any better at leading," he explained. I frowned, not sure if I believed his explanation.

"Jacob doesn't give orders. He won't take our free will away, the way Sam has been known to do. The only downside is defending the leeches instead of fighting against them. Honestly, that's not even so bad. If you tell them I said that, I'll end you," I told him. He nodded, fighting against a smile.

"So you like being in Jake's pack?" he asked.

"It's better than being in Sam's, for me. I don't have to hear about how he'd wish I'd go away, or be happy with someone else. I don't have to deal with the disappointment he feels every time I shift, or the glares from Emily when she knows that I still love her fiance. Jacob isn't judgmental, as surprising as that is. I think it's because he spent so long loving Bella but not able to have her. He understands me, most of the time. So yes, I like being in Jacob's pack. It helps that my brother is, too," I answered carefully. It was probably more than he needed to know, but it was his own fault for asking in the first place.

"And do you think I would like it better, too?" he asked, thankfully not acknowledging my confessions.

"Do you enjoy being Sam's spy?" I shot back. "Do you like that he asks you to do things and expects you to drop everything and do it, knowing that if you don't he'll just make you? Because I never did."

"That's not an answer," he pointed out.

"I can't tell you what you would or wouldn't like. I can only tell you what the differences are. I won't make a decision for you. That has to be what you want, not what I want," I replied, opening my psychology notebook. "It's your choice. You know the differences now."

"Thank you, I think. I still have to think about it, but I think I know what I'll be doing. I'm not going home this week. I don't want Sam reading my thoughts and emotions if he makes me shift. He doesn't need to know what I've been thinking about," he told me pointedly.

"I already told you that I won't be seeing him. Your secret is safe with me," I assured him, offering a small smile. Whatever he chose, I felt like he knew me just a little bit better now.

My classes were all in the morning, which worked well for me. I was always more of a morning person than a night owl. My intention was to take the classes, then drive back home for a couple of hours a day to see Seth and my mother. Then I'd come back in the evening and study. It worked for the first week, until something went wrong with my car and I was stuck at the school when I wanted to be home. I was standing in front of it, just glaring, when one of the idiots in my classes walked over.

Lucas was my age, studying the same thing as me. That's where our similarities ended. He spent most of his time being loud and attempting to be funny, while I sat in the back and tried to learn. I was fairly certain he was there because his parents were rich and wanted him to get some kind of education, whereas I was there on scholarship. I'd done very well in La Push, and the school was impressed with my grades. Even though I was starting a couple years late, they'd given me a full academic scholarship, with the stipulation that I keep my GPA up.

"Need a hand there, Clearwater?" he asked. His friends weren't around, which was a miracle. I figured maybe he was going home, too.

"No. I just won't be going anywhere today after all," I said quietly, closing the hood and pocketing my keys. He actually managed to look sympathetic, though I didn't buy it.

"You live in Forks, right? I'm driving past there. Do you want me to drop you off?" he offered. I shook my head immediately. Being in a tiny car with him was not appealing to me. I could see Jared watching our interaction from across the parking lot and gave him a reassuring smile so he wouldn't come and try to protect me. It was so stupid; did they honestly think I couldn't handle myself? I was just as strong as all of them, and smarter than some!

"No. Then you'd have to come pick me up after. I'm fine, they can wait another day to see me. I just saw them all yesterday. I'll see you in class, Lucas," I said quickly, already walking by the end. Jared was waiting for me when I walked over.

"What did he want?" he asked suspiciously.

"He offered me a ride back to Forks. My stupid car won't start, so you'll have to look at that for me later. Either that, or call Jacob and get him to come fix it. He's better at that than any of us," I explained. Jared accepted it as fact.

"Did you still want to go home? I'm supposed to be checking in with Sam today or tomorrow, and I'm sure he'd like it if I did it in person," Jared offered. It made me want to smile, but I refrained. It would be too out of character for me.

"Are you only offering to get on my good side, or do you actually want to go? Keeping in mind I'll know if you're lying. The benefits of being connected to someone for so long," I replied. He grinned.

"I wouldn't mind going, but I was offering because I know you count on going home every day. I don't actually understand why you wanted to live here if you miss it there so much," he told me. I had to laugh at that.

"I wanted to live here to prove that I could do it. I needed to prove, both to myself and others, that I am finally able to do things on my own. I got this scholarship on my own, with no help. I'm living on my own, with nobody to help me get up in the morning, or remind me to study. I'll be getting this degree on my own. I was honestly disappointed when I found out someone had sent you to keep an eye on me, but it's worked out alright," I explained.

"I'm glad you think so. So moving here had nothing to do with getting away from Sam?" he asked, looking honestly curious. I wanted to slap the look off of his face, but that was irrational.

"No. That's what moving to Forks was about. This is only for the reason that I just gave you. My life no longer revolves around Sam Uley. I'll always love him, but it doesn't rule my life anymore. I'm ready to move on," I snapped, turning my back to fish my phone out of my purse. I'd need to tell Seth why I wouldn't be home tonight.

"Sorry, sorry. Come on, I'll give you that ride. Put your phone away," he said quickly, laying a hand on my arm. I didn't feel the urge to shake it off, like I usually would.

"You still want to take me?" I asked, surprised. Usually, when I had a moment of anger like that, the boys avoided me like the plague. It was an hour drive back to La Push, and I'd assumed that I'd ruined my chances of getting a ride with Jared when I snapped at him. But he was still standing there, waiting for me to get into his car. So I did.

It was a subtle shift, but I noticed when it happened. One day, I could feel Jared better than I had before. He'd chosen Jacob over Sam. I didn't know if he'd made the decision consciously or if it had been something he'd decided subconsciously. Either way, when he shifted, he wouldn't be hearing Sam anymore. He'd be hearing Jacob and Seth. I hadn't shifted since I'd learned to control it, hoping that I'd start aging again.

I was expecting the knock on my door when it came. Heather had gone home for the weekend already, and I'd just been waiting for Jared to show up to say goodbye.

"So, you made your choice," I stated in place of a greeting when I opened the door. He grinned and nodded, pushing his way into the room.

"Yeah, I thought about it long and hard, and I decided that Jacob has always been more of a leader. I feel like his pack is better for me than Sam's. Sam is going to be pissed when he figures it out. So, are you ready?" he asked, grabbing my bag for me.

"You're coming with me this time?" I asked, surprised. Usually, he stayed at the school to study over the weekends. His classes seemed to be harder for him than mine were for me.

"Yeah. I figure I probably better let Jake know what I did. And I've been getting calls from my mother, who apparently misses me. I thought we could ride together, like last time. Is that okay?" he asked, suddenly unsure of himself. It made me smile.

"It's fine. You don't have to be so careful with me. If I didn't want to be around you, you wouldn't be in my room," I reminded him. His look of relief was surprising.

"So I don't have to worry about upsetting you? You're not going to kick me out of your life?" he asked. His phrasing was weird, but I thought I knew what he meant.

"There's nothing you could do, short of killing someone, that would make me kick you out of my life. I vowed a long time ago that I'd never do that to anyone," I told him. He smiled, taking a step closer to me.

"I don't want to kill anyone," he stated.

"That's good," I replied, watching him. I wasn't sure if I liked the look in his eyes or not. It was almost like... but it couldn't be...

And then he was kissing me.

"Leah, when are you going to get a boyfriend?" Seth asked me when we were finally alone in the woods. I turned to stare at him, not sure how to answer him. I'd told Jared that I was ready to move on, but I wasn't sure that it was completely true, and he hadn't called me on it.

"I don't think it's that simple, kiddo," I told him, ruffling his hair. I was hoping he'd tell me off for treating him like a kid and forget the subject, but he just glared at me and continued forward.

"Isn't there anyone at that school that you could see yourself with?" he pushed. I shook my head, my mind involuntarily going to Jared briefly, before I shoved that thought away. I didn't need to be thinking about that right now. Not when my brother was standing in front of me, waiting for a better answer.

"It's not about whether or not I could see myself with any of them. It's about whether or not I'd want to inflict myself on them. I've never been the most stable person," I replied. He frowned, not liking my answer.

" _What was that for?" I demanded, touching my lips gently. My mind was reeling, no thoughts standing out above the rest. He'd kissed me. Why?!_

" _I wanted to see what it would be like. I've been wanting to do it for days now, Leah, but I was worried you'd hate me for it," he told me._

" _I... don't hate you. But that doesn't explain why," I said quietly, sinking down onto my bed when my legs threatened to give out. Distantly, I wondered if I was in shock. Nothing like this had happened to me since Sam and I had gotten together._

" _'Because I wanted to' isn't a good enough reason?" he asked. I shook my head, finally looking up at him._

" _No."_

I focused back on Seth, trying my hardest to shove the memory into the back of my mind. He'd said something, but he must have realized I hadn't heard him when my eyes refocused on him.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Leah. Where is your mind today?" he asked, trying to make me smile. I just shook my head, not wanting to answer. That damn memory was pushing it's way forward again.

" _Fine. If you must know, I did it because I like you. I've known for a while, but I didn't want to push anything with you. When you said you were ready to move on from Sam, I thought maybe I had a chance. No time ever seemed right, though. This is the first real opportunity I've had to act on it, but maybe I did it wrong," he informed me._

 _It took me a second to form words. "I don't know how I feel, Jared. I hadn't considered this as a possibility. But you should know... you have to know that I can't give you what you'd want in the long term. I can't have children. It's why I haven't imprinted. I'm not normal," I reminded him._

" _The fact that you're not hitting me or kicking me out is a good sign in my book. And I don't care about any of that, Leah. I'm going to be a teacher, which means having twenty new children every year. I won't be disappointed to not have children of my own. And you don't know if this is permanent. Maybe when your aging finally starts again, you'll be able to," he replied._

" _And if I don't want to?" I asked, lying through my teeth. He shook his head, looking amused._

" _Like I said, I won't be disappointed. I've given this a lot of thought. It's your turn to think about it. Do you still want to ride with me?" he asked._

I didn't ride with him. I drove my own car, which Jacob had driven out to fix earlier in the week. Lucas had given him several dirty looks, which I found amusing. But now I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss, and I didn't know what to do. I knew who I wanted to talk to, but... it would hurt as much as it would help.

"There's something I've got to do, Seth. Can we catch up in a couple hours? I need to talk to someone," I said quietly, hoping he'd understand and let me go. Like usual, he did. I could tell he was worried about me, and I could only hope that I'd have good news when I came back.

I went to Emily's house, hoping that Sam would be there with her. She answered the door smiling, but it quickly turned weary when she saw that it was me. I couldn't blame her. This wouldn't be the first time I'd come to bitch her out. Luckily for both of us, I wasn't there for her this time.

"Leah, what a pleasant surprise. Is there something you needed?" she asked, raising her voice slightly to alert whoever else was in the house with her. I knew at least one of the wolves would be here with her. They always were.

"I was hoping to talk to Sam. Is he here?" I asked, keeping my tone civil. I had to remind myself that I really wasn't there to start anything with her, whether she seemed to want to or not. I would be the bigger person, because I knew that Sam would be nicer to me if I was. Not that he'd ever say anything to Emily about her behavior. He loved her too much to see her flaws.

"Of course. Just a moment," she replied, shutting the door in my face instead of inviting me in. I took a deep breath, seething inside. Thankfully, it was less than a minute before the door was opening again and Sam was stepping outside.

"I didn't expect to see you," he said quietly, pulling the door closed and gesturing for me to walk with him. I was glad he was leading us away from prying ears, because this conversation was hard enough without them.

"I didn't expect to be seeing you, either, but... something came up. We were friends before this mess, and I need my friend again, even if it's just for today. Can we manage that, for right now?" I asked walking along the beach with him. He nodded, concern showing in his eyes. It wasn't awkward, which I was thankful for.

"Of course. I've always been your friend. I'm sorry you haven't felt that way," he replied. I rolled my eyes.

"Please don't. Don't try to do that. I've been inside of your head, Sam. I know how awkward all of this has been for you, and it's been worse for me. But right now, I don't care. I'll suffer the awkwardness, because I need someone to tell me what the right thing is, here," I told him firmly.

"Alright. If that's how you want it, fine," he agreed, waiting for me to explain further.

"I thought that I've been okay. I've been doing better, not feeling as awful when I think about you. I told Jared that I was ready to move on, but I wasn't completely sure that I meant it. And today, before coming back here, he kissed me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, but I've felt so guilty for it... I feel like I'm betraying you. It's so stupid, Sam, because I'm not yours anymore!" I said quietly. It was a relief to say it out loud, to be saying all of this to Sam. I'd never gotten to tell him how it felt when he left me. How I still feel sometimes. He seemed to realize that.

"Get it out now, Leah. Say it all. Don't hold back," he encouraged. I wanted to cry. How could he be so calm about this?

"It took me so long to get over that. I loved you so much, you know? And the one day I'm stuck at school, the one day I can't go with you, you manage to imprint. Do you know how inadequate I felt? I felt so unloved, so alone. And Emily was always around, because you didn't want to be without her. You brought her with you when you dumped me!" I continued, my voice rising. I knew nobody would hear but Sam.

"I know," he said, still quiet.

"I don't think you do! I know you don't love me anymore. It was slightly bearable when I was human, but then I shifted and I could hear you thinking about how you'd rather I be anywhere else! How you wished I didn't still love you, how pathetic I seem to you. Like I meant to still love you, even after you hurt me so badly! _That_ is why I left. That's why I joined Jake's pack and moved out of La Push. It's part of why I moved to Port Angeles for college instead of living around here. Because the further away from you, the better I feel," I spat, lowering my voice again. He winced.

"Leah..." he started, but I cut him off.

"I'm not finished. Let me finish," I snapped, and he nodded his agreement. I could see the sadness in his eyes. He really didn't know how I'd been feeling. "The thing is, I hadn't even considered starting another relationship before this. Because even though you weren't mine anymore, I still feel like I'm yours. And I think it's because I never got an closure. I never got to hear you say what you really feel, and I never got to say any of this. Emily has always been in the way. I've tried so hard to hate her, but she's too nice. It's not her fault. I can't find anyone to blame. Genetics, maybe. Mine are completely screwed up, which you already know. It's why I wasn't good enough for you.

"But with Jared... he doesn't care. He hasn't imprinted either, which is terrifying to me. I can't explain his away the way I can with mine. He could imprint at any time and not want me anymore, the way you don't want me. And what would I do then? But when I'm with him, it's different. I feel almost like I felt when I was with you, before. It's a recent thing, because we've been spending so much time together. I only just got to know him. But the feelings are there, and I'm tired of feeling guilty for them. I need you to let me go, officially, without anyone to interfere. I need to be free," I told him, tears streaming down my face by the end.

He took a second to study my face and process what I'd said. It made me worry that maybe he wouldn't do what I'd asked. Maybe he'd string me along for the rest of my life, making me feel guilty about feeling anything for anyone else. But then he nodded, the sadness never leaving his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Lee Lee. I didn't know that you felt this way. I had no idea you were hurting like this. You're right that I was wishing I didn't have to see you every day, but it's not because I was disgusted by you. I felt so guilty, every time I saw you. A part of me died at the same time that the rest of me came alive. I love Emily with every fiber of my being, but the part of me that loved you had to die first. Sometimes I'll look at you and feel that old spark, and then I feel the same guilt that you feel," he confessed. It just made me cry harder. This had been a mistake.

"But you're right. You're not mine anymore, just like I'm not yours. I don't love you the way I used to. I wish we could still be friends, but I think it would be too painful for both of us. So, Leah, I'm letting you go. You're not mine anymore. You can be with whoever makes you happy, feel whatever you want to feel, but not be guilty for it. Anything that we had is over. _We_ are over. Do you understand?" he asked.

I hugged him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder while I cried. I whispered a quiet "Thank you", clinging to him. He wrapped his arms around me, letting me get it all out. After a few minutes, I let him go and stepped back, wiping my eyes. I felt lighter, as though a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest. I was free.

Seth was waiting for me back at the house, sitting on the porch tapping his foot impatiently. It made me smile. I must have looked like a wreck, because he was immediately glaring at Sam. Sam just ignored him, making his way back into the house.

"What happened?" Seth demanded, pulling me into a protective hug. I'd never get used to my younger brother wanting to protect me.

"We had to have a conversation that was... hard. But I feel so much better now, Seth. You can't be mad at him, because he's done nothing wrong. He actually helped me," I admitted. I could tell he was still confused, but he let it go. We didn't talk about it for the rest of the weekend.

Jared was waiting for me in the parking lot of the school when I got back. I knew that news of my conversation with Sam would have gotten back to him, and he'd be curious about it. I was hoping he hadn't done anything stupid when he heard what had happened. He was opening my door for me before I'd even shut the car off completely.

"Are you okay? Embry told me that you and Sam had some kind of fight, and I've been worried all weekend. Sue wouldn't let me come by to see you, though," he asked.

"I'm just fine. It was something that needed to happen, and... I'm better now," I assured him. He gave me a confused look.

"Better in what way?" he asked. I smiled, knowing that my reply would change _everything._ So instead of trying to use words, I kissed him.

That very day, I started aging. By the next weekend, everything I had been missing was back. It was everything I had wanted, but it felt like something was missing. I could feel that something big was coming, but I was hoping to be wrong.

In my first class after my aging started, it happened. I was taking notes, not paying any attention to the people around me, when the door opened and Lucas walked in late. I had looked up with everyone else, but I was willing to be that I was the only one feeling quite like this.

It was like the world around me had stopped. Time had slowed down, and all I could see was him. It was over as quickly as it started, but it left me breathless and lightheaded. I knew immediately what must have happened, but I couldn't accept it. My life was finally normal, and then this happened? No. I didn't wait around to talk to Lucas or give my professor and excuse; I stood and ran from the room, keeping a tight grip on my bag. I got in my car and didn't stop driving until I was in front of the Cullen house.

Jacob was on the porch waiting for me, Seth right beside him. I should have known that my brother would be here too. I didn't want to have this conversation with him. I stayed in the car and did something I never thought I'd do. I asked a bloodsucker for help.

 _Edward, I know you're listening. I know you know what happened. I don't want to talk to my brother right now, just Jacob. The last thing I need is for Seth to freak out on me. Can you keep him distracted while Jacob and I talk? You know that I must be serious if I'm asking for help from you of all people._

It was only a few seconds later that Seth turned to look back into the house and then make his way back inside. Jacob kept his gaze on me, waiting to see what I would do. I didn't think I could walk as well as I could drive, so I unlocked the car and gestured for him to get in. He did without asking a single question, allowing me to drive far enough from the house to not be heard before parking on the side of the road and finally breaking down.

He sat in silence, giving me the support I needed, while I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I'd been waiting so long to imprint, wanting someone that I could love completely. When I'd finally accepted that it could never happen, when I'd finally started to fall for someone, of course it would finally happen. The question was, what was I supposed to do now? Because my mind was shouting at me to go back to Lucas, to make him mine, but...

My heart was still focusing on Jared. I was torn in half, and it was killing me. I explained everything to Jacob through my tears, having to repeat a few things to be understood. He was pale and unhappy by the time I'd finished, and I let him take time to form some kind of response while I worked to stop my tears.

"Leah... of all the people for this to happen to, I'm so sorry that it was you. I've never tried to fight against my imprint. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Wouldn't it be easier for you to just accept it?" he asked quietly after a few minutes. I shook my head angrily.

"I won't do that to Jared! You don't understand, Jacob. The person you loved before your imprint was in love with someone else. Jared loves me, the same way I loved... love him. I can't abandon him just because genetics say I have to love someone I don't even like!" I snapped, turning to glare at him. I wasn't expecting him to smile.

"Remember how Edward said he had those books about female shifters? I read a few of them. If anyone has a chance of fighting this, it's you. It won't be easy for you, but I wanted to make sure that you actually felt something for Jared other than obligation," he told me. It didn't calm me down the way I knew he hoped it would.

"You think that I'd want to stay with him just because of what Sam did to me? I'm better than that. I'm staying with him because I still feel something for him. Sam told me that he left me because the part of him that loved me died. It's too soon to truly say that I love Jared, but that part of me didn't die. It never will," I replied, working to stay calm.

"That's an interesting way to describe it. For me, the part of me that loved Bella just _was_ the part of me that loved Renesmee. I had no reason to fight it. Bella was never mine, but Renesmee is. In a different way, of course. But the fact is still there. Sam fought it and lost, and now you're fighting it, but I have a good feeling that you'll win. Are you going to tell Jared what happened?" he asked.

"I have to, don't I? He'll notice when I'm drawn to Lucas. He has a right to know what's going on. I just don't want to hurt him, you know?" I said quietly, finally calming down.

"I know. I'm hoping he takes it well. Jared is prone to overreaction sometimes, I'm sure you've noticed. Why did you come here and not to him?" Jacob asked.

"Because I knew you've been through this. I needed your advice. I don't know how to start that conversation. By now, he knows that something is wrong. I bolted from the class as soon as it happened, and I'm sure that's gotten back to him. He'll be waiting for me when I get back," I replied.

"So don't go back yet. Stay here for the rest of the week. You scared Seth by showing up four hours before he expected you. I know the Cullens are worried, and possibly your mother if both Jared and Seth know you aren't where you should be. Stay here and be with your family and your pack, and go back on Monday. By then, the pull from the imprint won't be as strong. You'll be able to be around him without wanting to jump him or be alone with him. And you'll be able to focus solely on Jared, which we both know he'll deserve. If you have to, text him and tell him where you are. If you'd rather, I can call him and tell him I called you home for an emergency. Then you won't have lied to him, and he'll know you're okay," Jacob offered.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. You make me stronger. I'll stay here until Sunday night. I might actually stay at my place in Forks, so nobody but you guys can find me. I don't want to see Jared until I know I won't do anything stupid. Every part of my mind is screaming for me to go find Lucas, but my heart wants me to talk to Jared. I'm being torn apart from the inside, and I can't figure out what's right and what's wrong," I told him.

"By Monday, you should have a clearer understanding of what you actually want. Hopefully, you won't be at war with yourself," he informed me. "Let's go back now. Explain to everyone what happened, if Edward hasn't already. Jasper will be able to help with your emotions while you're at the Cullen house. The longer you stay there, the better you'll feel. I know you don't hate them as much as you used it. You can't hide that from me."

He wasn't wrong. The discontent was still there, but there were certain members of the family that I couldn't quite make myself hate. Rosalie, because until recently I was in her shoes. Alice, because the psychic was impossible to hate. Jasper, because he hated himself as much as she'd once hated him. Esme, because she tried so damn hard to be a good person. I could stand to be around them. I knew that Edward would keep everyone else away.

"Fine. But I'm not sleeping there. Never again," I compromised. It made him smile, which _almost_ put a smile on my face, too.

Jared came home on Friday night, and spent the entire weekend trying to be in the same place as me. Thankfully, he didn't think to check the Cullen house. Edward was listening for him, while I kept Renesmee company. Surprisingly, she seemed to like me. Jacob was there most of the time, and Seth came when he could get away from Jared. Even Sam called me at one point to find out what was going on, but I ignored his call because I didn't want to talk to him on top of everything else.

Jasper spent most of his days with me, or close by. I know Edward had asked him personally to keep me calm, which I appreciated. Carlisle had many questions for me, which I answered to the best of my ability. Bella watched me closely anytime I was near her daughter, which I couldn't blame her for. I was pretty awful to her while she was pregnant, but she had been hurting Jacob so badly. Now I was hurting Jared, and I didn't want to live with myself. If I couldn't shake the imprint, I wouldn't survive it. I would _not_ do what Sam did to me.

Every time I had a thought like that, Edward would get a pinched look on his face and start a random conversation with me. Apparently, he didn't want to hear my suicide thoughts. I couldn't blame him. Esme kept me fed, and the others mostly avoided me. I couldn't blame them for that, either. In a different time, I _was_ them. I didn't blame them for hating me.

"They don't hate you. They're just weary, because we all know that you hate us," Edward explained on my third night there. He must have picked the random thought out of my head.

"I don't hate you, either. At least, not most of you. How can I, after everything that we've all been through? I don't think any of us really hate your family anymore. Not even Paul, and he was worse than me," I replied calmly, as though the entire family wasn't listening in. I had heard them all freeze in place to concentrate on us.

"I tried to assure them of that. I'm sure you understand why we can't just take you at your word," he told me. I nodded.

"I get it. I wouldn't trust me either, in your place. I didn't trust you when I was helping you. I did it because Seth was here, and because Jacob was convinced it was our job. The results are agreeable, so who am I to complain? Look, you can hate me or not, and you can avoid me or not, I don't care. I'm not here for you. I'm here to adjust to yet another complication in my life. I'm finally normally functional, and my body is trying to force me to love someone I don't like at all. You can understand why your family doesn't actually register on my problems radar, right?" I asked with a small smile. His answering smile was relaxed. Clearly they were all okay with me now or something.

"Yes, we understand. Of course you're welcome to stay here as much as you need to. If you aren't ready to return on Monday, as you suspect, you have a place here. We never wanted to chase you out before, either," he replied.

"You didn't chase me out. My own emotions did. You know that already. This was all your suggestion. A good one, by the way. And if you still have those books, I wouldn't another look. Clearly I missed some things," I told him. He nodded.

"We kept the books just in case. They talk about a lot of things we could someday come across. You're welcome to look through them, even take a few if they have what you need. Carlisle will bring them down when he's finished with Renesmee's check-up," he stated.

"Thank you," I said, but I was talking to all of them. I hoped they realized that, because I wasn't sure I could say it to their faces. They weren't the only cautious ones.

Sunday night saw me sitting in my car once again. I'd said goodbye to Seth that morning, and spoken to my mother on the phone. Jacob had come by to see me off and let me know that Jared was already back at the school waiting for me. They'd all offered me another week, and my mother had spoken to the school and let them know that there had been a family emergency that I'd been needed for, so all of my bases were covered. I could have stayed as long as I needed and still had a place at the school. But I wasn't a coward, and the imprint pull wasn't as strong as it had been. I would be okay to go back.

"If you change your mind, or if you need anything at all, you know how to find me," Jacob told me, standing on the porch of the Cullen house.

"Thank you, Jake. I appreciate everything you've done for me, and everything they've done for me, too. Could you let them know?" I replied. He nodded.

"I'm sure they already do. Their hearing is better than ours, and I know they're all listening. Call me when you've told Jared. And Leah, you've got my permission to tell Lucas anything you think he might need to know. Anything," he said calmly. "Just in case the pull is too strong and you end up with him, I don't want you lying about it. Okay?"

"Is that an order, Alpha?" I asked, making sure he could tell I was teasing. He grinned at me, glad that I was joking again. That more than anything else would show him just how okay I was.

"It could be, if it needs to be. Just be careful, Leah," he replied, winking. "No little cubs running around just yet. Finish school first. Which is what your mother told me to tell you, actually."

"Tell her not to worry. I'm not going to have kids for a long time. I want to have a career first. Don't be worrying about me. I'll call you when everything calms down," I told him, starting the car.

"See you soon!" Jake called after me, knowing I'd still be able to hear him. I raised my hand in a wave as I turned out of the driveway, not looking back. I'd need my strength, and I'd lose it if I looked back at them.

Jared was in my dorm room instead of my roommate. He was sitting on my bed, just staring at the door that I'd just opened. He was frowning, his entire posture stiff and tense. It already wasn't going well, and I hadn't even given him the news. What would he say when he found out? I almost turned around and drove back to Forks, but I knew I'd have to do this eventually, and it was time right now. No backing down.

"How long have you been waiting here?" I asked quietly, placing my bag in my closet and hoping he didn't notice the vampire scent clinging to it. That was the one thing I'd never get used to at the Cullen house, and the reason I usually avoided it.

"Long enough that Heather left because she was uncomfortable. She said she's staying with her sister tonight and she'll be back tomorrow. Where were you?" he shot back. I winced.

"I was with the Cullens. They were helping me through some things, and Jacob wanted me to stay there. I'm sorry. I should have called you or something. I just... couldn't," I said, staying quiet. I sat down on Heather's bed, not wanting to be close to him when I gave him this news.

"What things did you need to get through that you couldn't tell me about?" he asked, eyes narrowing.

"I imprinted," I blurted, wincing at my stupidity. That was not how I'd meant to tell him. I couldn't look at his face, couldn't bear to see the look on his face when he realized just what I'd said and what it meant.

"Who?" he whispered, so much pain in his voice.

"It doesn't matter, because I don't want him. I still want you," I told him, squaring my shoulders and finally looking up. It was the first time I'd really looked at him in almost a full week, and he didn't look good. He was pale and his face was closed off, not showing any emotion at all. It was his eyes that really got to me. There was so much pain and sadness shining in them that I could only look for a few seconds.

"It does matter. I know how imprinting works, Leah. Who is it?" he demanded, suddenly angry. I knew the anger wasn't directed at me, but I couldn't help the small pang of fear.

"Lucas," I replied, looking down. I could hear his labored breathing as he tried to control a shift. It would be his first accidental shift in over a year, and it was all my fault. I blinked back tears, wanting this to be over. I didn't feel anything at all for Lucas at that moment. It was all Jared, and it was pain. His pain and mine, blurred together. I felt something inside of me shift, and the whole world went black.

When I woke up, I was in the school's infirmary. Jared was sitting in the chair beside the bed, but he was sleeping. Lucas was standing in the doorway staring at me. I blinked at him, wondering why I felt nothing for him now when just last night there had been a subtle longing to be in his presence. What had changed?

"Are you okay now, Leah?" he asked quietly, probably trying not to wake Jared up. It was too late, because the moment my heart rate had changed, he was awake.

"I'm fine, I think. Do you know what happened?" I asked, my voice slightly hoarse. How long had I been out?

"I have no idea. They're saying you were dehydrated. You passed out in your dorm, and nobody could wake you up. Your family is here, too, but they're getting food. You've been out for two and a half days," he told me. His eyes were guarded, and I knew that somebody must have said something to him. But I couldn't feel the imprint at all anymore, at least not aimed at him. It almost felt like the imprint had transferred to someone else, but that wasn't possible. Was it?

"That's a long time for dehydration," I stated, counting the number of heartbeats that were headed straight for this room. Three. That meant Seth, Jacob, and my mother. My whole pack was here for me, and that felt good to know. Jared shifted in his 'sleep', and I glanced over at him.

"He's been there the whole time. He's the one who brought you in," Lucas told me, noticing my gaze. "Listen, I just stopped in on my way out. My girlfriend is in here with a broken ankle. If you're okay, I'm going to go."

"I'm fine," I said with a smile. The fact that he had a girlfriend was the best thing I'd heard in weeks. _If_ the imprint was still there, it wasn't affecting him at all. I wouldn't have to feel guilty about being with Jared, because Lucas wouldn't be feeling any pain from it. But I was still fairly certain that I was no longer imprinted to Lucas.

"See you in class, then," he said, leaving the room just as my family entered. Seth was immediately at my side, hugging me.

"You're awake!" he exclaimed, burying his face in my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, smiling into the hug. My mother sat on the end of the bed, staring at me as though I'd been dead. Jacob's attention was focused on the silent conversation he was having with Jared. I waved a hand to get their attention.

"Is it possible for an imprint to change?" I asked. They both frowned.

"What do you mean by change?" Jake asked, crossing his arms. "Did you lose your fight?"

"No. If anything, I won in a major way. I don't feel the connection with Lucas anymore. The imprint isn't there at all. I can feel it with someone else now, and I want to know if it's possible before I freak out," I answered.

"If you'd read that first book all the way through, you'd know it is. The shifter in it, Kaylae, managed to push the imprint onto the person she actually loved. You actually have quite a bit in common with her," Jacob stated thoughtfully. "Who do you feel the connection with now?"

"Jared," I replied, smiling. "I feel it with Jared. It happened in the middle of our last conversation. I was thinking about how everything would have been easier if I'd imprinted on him, and then everything hurt. I could feel his pain mixing with mine, and it was too much for me. I must have passed out, because I woke up here and the imprint was different."

Through all of this, Jared had been silently staring at me. I could see the hope and sadness in his eyes, though his face was once again blank.

"So you're imprinted on Jared now?" Seth asked. I nodded. "But this is a good thing! You both love each other. This is perfect!" Trust my little brother to come to that conclusion.

"This is only a good thing if it's what he wants, too. I know it's what I want, since I'm the one who did it. But I'd never force myself on anyone, and he hasn't imprinted on me. This is a one way thing," I reminded them. Seth and Jacob both frowned, turning to look at Jared.

"Are you sure that it's me and not him?" he asked quietly.

"He was just in here, and I felt absolutely nothing for him. I'm sure it's not him anymore. And since I can feel what you're feeling, I'm going to say that yes, I'm sure. I've imprinted on you," I told him seriously. He nodded.

"I think she kind of needs more than that," Jacob said, a hint of amusement in his voice. He looked over at Seth and my mother, who had been silent through everything, and gestured for them to follow him into the hallway. Seth didn't seem to want to let go of me, but a pointed look from Jacob had him moving. I'd probably end up going back home with them for another week after this, just to assure everyone that I was fine.

Jared was silent until the door was closed. "This isn't what you wanted," he said quietly, not meeting my eyes. "You didn't want to imprint on anyone."

"You don't know what I wanted. The whole time I was dealing with my wolf, I was wishing I could imprint to get away from my feelings for Sam. After Sam and I finally made up, I didn't want to imprint because I didn't need to. For the first time in my life, I could have exactly who I wanted, and that was you. I didn't want to imprint on Lucas, because it meant not having you anymore. Jared, for me these last few months, it's only been you. Having the imprint is unnecessary, because I'd be with you anyways. I actively fought it to be with you, so much that it warped. So no, I didn't really want to imprint anymore. That doesn't mean I don't want this," I told him, keeping my gaze on his eyes. The hope hadn't left them.

"You're actually serious, aren't you?" he asked, awe coloring his voice. I smiled, relieved that he was finally getting it.

"Yes. Jared, I love you. I loved you before the imprint, and I'll love you whether it's there or not," I stated, completely serious. And then I wasn't saying anything else, because he was kissing me. Whatever else came our way, we'd face it together.


End file.
